Proof of Your Relationship

Sadly, there are many Americans and other foreigners who engage or marry Filipinas for the most base, unscrupulous reasons.  They pretend to want wives, but they actually desire domestic servants and sexual slaves.  There are also Filipinas who marry foreigners, not out of love, but in a desire to simply improve their own lives, financially.  In my opinion, neither of these instances is as common as some commentators would have you believe, but I acknowledge that both exist.  Also, there are Filipinas and foreign men who are a bit too anxious to tie the knot, and who rush into marriage with barely a fleeting knowledge of one another.

So it’s not surprise that the U.S. government sometimes requires proof of an actual relationship before issuing visas to Filipinas who are engaged or married to Americans.   Now, I am very much aware of the argument that the U.S. government has no moral authority to dictate whom its citizens can marry, and that no American should have to prove anything to his government in pursuit of happiness, which is a Constitutional right.  I do have some sympathy with that argument.  However, from a legal standpoint, the U.S. government is not actually telling you whom you can and cannot marry; it is regulating entry into the United States by foreigners.   Your fiancée or wife is, like it or not, a foreigner, and if you want to get her into the United States, you may be required to demonstrate that you have an actual relationship with her. 

What kind of evidence should you maintain?  Here are my personal suggestions: 

1. Letters. Write often, and keep all correspondence.  Tell your fiancée or wife to do the same.  I highly recommend letters over e-mail because letters carry postmarks that cannot be easily forged, and the progression of postmarks from one month to the next is almost undeniable evidence of a relationship.  Also, letters are handwritten.  This indicates that you actually cared enough about your loved one to sit down and put pen to paper to express your thoughts, something which very few people do today because of the labor involved (typing out an email and clicking SEND is much easier, after all).  A six-inch pile of letters between two individuals, postmarked from one month to another over the course of a year or so, is clearly indicative of a relationship of some kind.
2. Photographs.  When you visit the Philippines, take lots of photographs.  Photos of you with your loved one, with her family, and with her friends.  If you travel, take more photos, as this indicates that you didn’t just pop into a girl’s village for a photo opportunity, but that both of you actually traveled with one another.
3. E-mails.  With the Internet now mainstream and many Filipinas having access to “Cyber Cafes”, E-mail has become a favorite medium in Fil-West relationships.  If you use E-mail, be sure to save a copy of every message in a folder for future printing, or else print it immediately and put it in a file.  If possible, ensure that the E-mail bears the headers or footers that indicate the date and time the message was sent, who sent it, and, if it’s a reply, the text that it was a reply to. 
4. Chat Transcripts.  Many Filipinas and westerners now chat with one another online.  Many Chat rooms allow chatters to make a transcript of everything that was said.  If that’s possible, keep those transcripts and print them out as further evidence of your relationship.
5. Telephone calls.  Most westerners who have relationships with Filipinas spend small fortunes on international long distance calling, and you’re probably no different.  Keep a copy of every phone bill, because the bill will obviously include your name and phone number as well as an itemized list of every call you made to the Philippines.  If you use phone cards instead, keep a record of every purchase and a log that shows when the cards were used, as well the phone number you called.
6. Receipts.  If you send money to the Philippines by Western Union or some other similar service, keep your receipts.  If you send flowers via the Internet to your loved one, print out a receipt or some other proof of the purchase.  If you send a balikbayan box (care package), get a receipt.  If you pay for your fiancée’s medical or dental care, keep receipts. 
7. Plane tickets.  If you travel to the Philippines, keep your ticket stubs, receipts, or whatever you can get your hands on that proves you made the trip.
8. Have a photocopy of your passport, with stamps indicating your travels to the Philippines. 

All original materials on this website (www.asawa.org, www.filipinawives.com) are copyrighted by the author, Bob Lingerfelt, 1997 -2007  with materials on file at the U.S. Copyright Office.  No reproduction is authorized, in any form, without express permission of the author.