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Prenuptials (“Prenups”)

 The topic of prenuptial agreements appears with some frequency in both the E-mails I receive and in posts on the ASAWA forum.  Not surprising, really.  Westerners who are new to relationships with Filipinas – especially correspondence based relationships – find themselves in a totally alien environment.  The cultural differences are daunting; the language barrier often frustrating, and the immigration procedures are maddening.  So many things to go wrong!  It doesn’t help that western men have been conditioned by certain media outlets, friends, and family, to be cynical about Fil-West marriages.  Many have been indoctrinated to believe that most (if not all!) Filipinas who marry westerners are doing so solely to improve their standard of living, that Filipinas are nothing more than gold-diggers, out for money and a green card.  Once they’ve got what they came for, this line of reasoning goes, they’ll ditch their new hubby to find a better mate. 

This possibility can give a man the jitters.  He thinks he’s in love, and he thinks his fiancée is sincere about a lifelong commitment, but there’s still that terrible, nagging doubt in the back of his mind...what if the cynics are right?   

Then a “brilliant” idea hits him: He’ll have his wife sign a prenuptial agreement!  Then, if she is a gold-digger, he’ll be protected, right? 

Well, maybe...but there are some serious problems with the notion of prenups.    

First there’s the philosophical argument that anyone needing a prenup isn’t ready for marriage.  This line of reasoning (not necessarily mine) dictates that a man who wants a prenup is afraid of commitment, that he needs a back-up plan so he can weasel out of a difficult situation, if that’s what the marriage turns out to be.  A man who needs a prenup exhibits a lack of trust in his future mate.  Marriage has inherent risks, nothing is guaranteed, yet most couples are willing to bet on one another, so requiring a prenup is cowardly.  Western men who marry Filipinas do so because, in the main, Filipinas are devoted to their husbands and families.  Yet by requiring a prenup, a westerner is showing a definite lack of devotion even before the marriage begins.   

Another problem with prenups… 

(End of book excerpt – if you’d like the entire text, please consider ordering The ASAWA Guide to Fil-West Relationships.  Thank you!)


 

 

 

What is the #1 financial mistake of men who are new to Fil-West relationships?
They call the Philippines using their regular long distance carrier!
Don't do it! Please visit SpeedyPin, one of ASAWA's primary sponsors. As most Fil-West couples already know, using a phone card can save you a lot of money!
Section I: Pre-Relationship Education