Prenuptials (“Prenups”)
The topic of prenuptial
agreements appears with some frequency in both the E-mails I receive and in
posts on the ASAWA forum. Not surprising, really. Westerners who are new to
relationships with Filipinas – especially correspondence based relationships –
find themselves in a totally alien environment. The cultural differences are
daunting; the language barrier often frustrating, and the immigration procedures
are maddening. So many things to go wrong! It doesn’t help that western men
have been conditioned by certain media outlets, friends, and family, to be
cynical about Fil-West marriages. Many have been indoctrinated to believe that
most (if not all!) Filipinas who marry westerners are doing so solely to improve
their standard of living, that Filipinas are nothing more than gold-diggers, out
for money and a green card. Once they’ve got what they came for, this line of
reasoning goes, they’ll ditch their new hubby to find a better mate.
This possibility can give a
man the jitters. He thinks he’s in love, and he thinks his fiancée is sincere
about a lifelong commitment, but there’s still that terrible, nagging doubt in
the back of his mind...what if the cynics are right?
Then a “brilliant” idea hits
him: He’ll have his wife sign a prenuptial agreement! Then, if she is a
gold-digger, he’ll be protected, right?
Well, maybe...but there are
some serious problems with the notion of prenups.
First there’s the
philosophical argument that anyone needing a prenup isn’t ready for marriage.
This line of reasoning (not necessarily mine) dictates that a man who wants a
prenup is afraid of commitment, that he needs a back-up plan so he can weasel
out of a difficult situation, if that’s what the marriage turns out to be. A
man who needs a prenup exhibits a lack of trust in his future mate. Marriage
has inherent risks, nothing is guaranteed, yet most couples are willing to bet
on one another, so requiring a prenup is cowardly. Western men who marry
Filipinas do so because, in the main, Filipinas are devoted to their husbands
and families. Yet by requiring a prenup, a westerner is showing a definite lack
of devotion even before the marriage begins.
Another
problem with prenups…
(End
of book excerpt – if you’d like the entire text, please consider ordering
The ASAWA Guide to Fil-West
Relationships. Thank you!)