Questions For HIM 

Questions Every Filipina Should Ask A Potential Foreign Pen Pal Before Agreeing To Marriage

A note to the gentleman being asked to answer these questions: This list of questions was created by Bob Lingerfelt of ASAWA (www.filipinawives.com) and may be distributed and copied freely.  These are questions which, based on my years of experience in this field, I think most Filipinas want to ask, or should ask, of any foreigner who desires a relationship with her.  I made this list because many Filipinas are too polite to ask these questions themselves, in letters.  Or the questions may simply never occur to them, even though the answers will have great bearing on any potential relationship. 

Some men may oppose the questions about money, careers, etc., using the often-abused cliché that love is more important than money.  True, there must be love for any relationship to work.  But statistics indicate that money is the number one cause of arguments between a husband and a wife.  Also, in any culture, one of the primary things a woman looks for in a husband is his ability to provide a decent home for her and any future children.   A man’s qualifications as a provider, his ability to guarantee a safe and secure home, are paramount.  Money is nothing without genuine love, but love is unquantifiable, so I can’t address that in this list.  But financial security can be fairly and promptly determined through a series of simple questions.  Also, keep in mind that the U.S. government DOES care about a man's financial situation, and requires that he make a certain percentage of income above the national poverty limit before petitioning for a visa for a foreign wife or fiancee.

Finally, a gentleman who is courting a woman from his own country is being evaluated in a similar fashion - just in person, instead of in writing.  If you are an American, for example, dating an American girl, or an Aussie dating an Aussie girl, your girlfriend has the luxury of seeing your home, visiting your place of work, seeing how you handle money, how you dress, how you interact with your family and friends.  She has a reasonable idea of your income, your hopes and dreams, your likes and dislikes.  While she may not present you with a list like the one below, she could easily answer most of the questions based simply on her own experience with you. 

A Filipina cares just as much about these issues, of course, but is deprived the lengthy, personal courting process that a domestic girlfriend experiences, and thus a Filipina should not be scorned for asking questions about aspects of your life that she has no other way of gaining knowledge of.  Certainly, she would prefer to learn these things on her own, in person, over the course of several months or years, but in a penpal relationship, this is simply not possible. 

Of course, if any man is really opposed to any of these questions, he's not “required” to answer them. 

A note to the Filipinas who intend to use this list: Obviously, there's no way to guarantee the answers you receive to these questions are honest, so use your own judgment when evaluating any foreigner who agrees to complete the questionnaire.   If you like, you can cross out the questions you don't want to ask, or you can make your own list using the one below as inspiration.  Good luck!

1. What is your height and weight?
2. What is your hair and eye color?
3. Do you drink alcoholic beverages? If yes, which ones and how often?
4. Do you smoke? If yes, how often?
5. Have you ever experimented with illegal drugs?
6. When is your birthday?
7. Have you been married before? 
8. Do you have children?
9. If you do have children, how old are they?
10. Are you religious? What is your religion/faith?  How religious are you?
11. If you are not Catholic, will you respect my right to attend Catholic services?  How will our children be raised??
12. Do you want children in our marriage?  How many?
13. Do you want me to work?  If I want to work, will you allow me to?
14. Will we be able to send a monthly allowance to my family in the Philippines if I want to help them? 
15. Have you ever been arrested?  If yes, explain.
16. What are your favorite hobbies?
17. Do you like sports?  Which ones?
18. Are you healthy?  If you have any health problems, what are they?
19. What is the weather like where you live?
20. Do you live close to your family (parents, brothers and sisters, etc.?
21. How many brothers and sisters do you have? 
22. Will your family support an intercultural marriage?
23. Do you have any connections to former wives or girlfriends?  Why?
24. What kind of movies do you like?
25. What kind of music do you like?
26. Who are your favorite actors and actresses?
27. Who are your favorite singers/songs?
28. Do you own your house, or have an apartment?
29. How long have you had your job?
30. What is your job title, and what do you do?
31. Have you been in this job long?
32. Are you planning to change jobs soon?
33. What other jobs have you had?
34. What are your career ambitions?
35. Do you have a retirement plan?
36. How much debt do you have?
37. Do you have a college education? If so, what was your major?
38. Why are you interested in a Filipina wife instead of a woman from your own country?
39. What do you know about the Philippines?  Have you ever been here?
40. Do you know any other Filipinos?  If yes, what do you think of them?
41. Describe to me what you think are a wife’s responsibilities in a marriage.
42. Describe to me what you think are a husband’s responsibilities in a marriage.
43. How often would you want to revisit the Philippines after we marry? Once a year, once every five years, etc.?
44. What kind of food do you like?
45. Where have you traveled in the world? In your own country?
46. Would you want or allow me to continue my education in your country?
47. In your opinion, how long should a man and a woman know each other before considering marriage? What is the shortest possible time?
48. Do you prefer marriage in the Philippines or in your country?
49. Do you prefer a religious ceremony or civil?
50. Tell me about the things you do best and are most proud of.
51. Tell me about the things you do worst, and what you are doing to improve on those things.
52. Do you think there should be secrets between a husband and wife?  If so, when?
53. Is it ever allowable for a husband to physically attack his wife?  If he does, do you think should she call the Police and report him?  Explain.
54. Do you want a pre-nuptial agreement?
55. Describe your idea of a perfect summer vacation.
56. Describe a perfect weekend.
57. What kind of clothes do you like to wear?
58. Do you have pets?  If yes, what kind?
59. How often, and for how long, do you think I should talk to my family on the telephone from your country, long-distance?
60. Are there many Filipinos where we will live?
61. Have you ever been in a fight?  If yes, describe it.
62. What kind of car do you drive?
63. Do you consider yourself talkative or quiet?